Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Now I enjoy a good Segway as much as the next man. The bizarre transporter is much beloved by G.O.B., and what's good enough for the creator of Mr. Bananagrabber is certainly good enough for me.

Why love the Segway? Because it is ludicrous. It looks like a toy that will overbalance if driven over a small pebble. The driver (driver? Pilot? Captain?) is planted starkly upright, like a candle struggling to maintain its dignity atop the world's crappiest cake. Bold. Proud. Open to insults (and stones) thrown from the kerbside. It is difficult to be taken seriously commanding something so prepostorous and pathetic. But in the Segway's loveable stupidity lies its charm.

No charm of any type, however, resides in that preserve of the decrepit and infirm: a granny buggy. So what better template for Segway to use for their new range!

Is it a Segway? No! Is it a golf cart? Maybe! Does it remind you of Mrs. Biggins terrifying the town with her drippy nose, snarled obsceneties and dog barks? Yes!

Now look here Simon Segway: you're in danger of falling between two stools. So either do this properly and make an actual car, or stick to what you do best - give us all a good laugh, and allow the ridiculous to become the sublime.

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