Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A letter to Downing Street

Dear Prime Minister,

I understand I am not the first to express dismay over your apparent lack of leadership during these troubled times. But compared to members of your cabinet and the opposition, I find your lack of visibility to be absolutely appalling.

If other politicans find the time to go out and reassure the public with their presence, why can't you? I have had first hand experience of this and have summarised my grievance in verse.

      I saw David Cameron
      Out buying gammon

      And Nicholas Clegg
      Buying butter and eggs

      When I'm in the park
      I chat with Ken Clarke

      And frequently pause
      To greet Edward Balls

      Hilary Benn
      I spot now and then

      And feel virtually plagued
      by William Hague

      Harriet Harman
      Now helps in the garden

      Even Hazel Blears
      Still often appears

      But, Gordon Brown
      I never see you in town

      But I've got a new tea set
      So please do come round

Now, as I have said many, many times before, I am 99.3% sure that these political sightings are correct. I don't know why so many ministers buy their groceries in my village, given that it is 200 miles from London – maybe it's the farmer's market or something, I don't know – but they do. Now this is the THIRD TIME I have written to you inviting you to tea and I will NOT BE STOOD UP AGAIN. This morning I saw Tessa Jowell buying a towel and she said such behaviour was typical of you, but I am giving you ONE LAST CHANCE.

I shall expect you at 3.00 o'clock tomorrow. Joining our table will be Vincent Cable.

Yours sincerely,

Mr Christopher


  1. My British political knowledge is abysmal but please, please tell me there is a real politician called Edward Balls. :) It made my whole day.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Ed Balls likes to argue with Lords! (Mandelson)



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