Kwiatkowska Junior came back from the family holiday expecting a baby, only mother is adamant that her daughter didn't meet any boys while she was there and so must have conceived as a result of "stray sperm" in the pool.
- What made you conclude that "stray sperm" got into the swimming pool? How? Unless I'm missing out on something, and breast stroke really is what I hoped it was when I was 8, I reckon that the average man manages to contain himself when trundling around a big tiled ditch filled with water.
- What sort of role do you envisage the swimming pool having in his child's life? Do you intend to pursue the pool for child support? Will it be invited round for Christmas? (Purely for the child's sake if nothing else) (you know how popular kids with pools are)
- I'm no scientist, but bearing in mind that chlorine is three times as strong as bromine and six times as strong as iodine, how do you think sperm gets on in a swimming pool? I'm wiling to bet that it's not very happy. Probably not sufficiently potent to prowl around looking for young girls to fertilise. Probably dead after about five minutes?
- On the other hand - you see that kid strutting around the hotel beaming and smoking a fat cigar? That's the pool boy. Go talk to him.