Lady Gaga takes the biscuit!

Reports that Lady Gaga had survived a bout of pyromania were discovered today to be sorely premature, as it emerged that the pop star had actually baked herself to a sweet caramel brown.
These shocking pictures show how Gaga, 23, has melted and shrunk into a largely featureless star shape as a result of being exposed to Gas Mark 4 for quarter of an hour during her stage show in Canada last year. She also smells of ginger.

The fashion-forward singer will be relieved that her outfits and sunglasses appear to have survived the blaze, although her neck seems to have taken a severe hit.

In any event, Gaga is reported to be alive and well, and planning a re-release of her greatest hits, including Poker Cake, Just Flans and Pa-biscotti.*

* I am so, so sorry.