Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Sparks Fly at Awards Show; Artist Safe

Popular drag act 'Lady GaGa' set himself on fire at the Much Music awards in Canada recently.

MTV reported that as part of a costume that unusually and inadvertently generated publicity, Lady GaGa "was sporting a conical gadget over his boobs loaded with pyrotechnics. The outlandish singer was singing his hit 'Poker Face' when his chest lit up like a firework."

Early reports are that Mr. GaGa is in perfect health following the incident and that his underwear on this occasion was in fact chosen for its candescence. However, the singer stated: "I am surprised to learn that my exploding bra may have detracted from the musical focus of my performance. Left to my own devices, I would gladly wear a sensible pair of trousers and a nice old jumper, but you know how these PR people are."

Indeed, the subtle and enigmatic artist normally has an impeccable sense of propriety, but through devilishly manipulative questioning has recently been tricked into revealing many personal secrets, such as his musings on love:

       Interviewer: What do you look for in a partner?
       Mr. GaGa: A big dick.
       Interviewer: And what else?
       Mr. GaGa: That's it.

Lady GaGa also recently explained that he was glad not to have been born in the 1970s, because he would probably have spent all his time consuming hallucinogenic drugs instead of focusing on his music (something for which the 21st century music scene is very thankful). As substance abuse has often been seen as the tortured corollary to artistic genius, cultural and literary authorities around the globe are in agreement that such a statement is clear proof of Mr. GaGa's genuine artistic credentials.

While those with lower capacities for artistic appreciation view the recent event at the Much Music awards as a non-incident best summed up by the phrase 'Dead-Eyed Man Has Sparkling Tits, Hopes For Sales', it has generated hundreds of articles from more musically educated news sources, rightfully driving other less important stories off the front page.

Long may it continue, for as the Daily Star respectfully noted following the Much Music awards, "Lord only knows how he’ll top those BANGERS at Glastonbury this weekend!"

The world holds its breath.

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