Showtime

Thank God. Finally, it's here.

You know what I'm talking about. Yeah you do! No, not the long-overdue resignation of the woman with the most annoying face on the planet, former Communities Secretary Hazel Blears. Nor the admission that Sacha Baron Cohen's stunt with Eminem at the MTV Movie Awards was staged.

It is, of course, That Episode of The Apprentice Where They Do The Interviews! I literally cannot wait. Five fledgeling media careers held up to the light in a serious of gruelling interviews by four big-name businessmen. Only they're big-name businessmen who look like they've come to read your gas meter, talk like pantomime baddies and are happy to be complicit in the "Suralan is the best - in fact, perhaps the ONLY - businessman in the world" schtick which is, of course, utter tosh.

And for whichever editor it is that does an excellent job stitching up the boardroom scenes each week, where every pointed put-down from Suralan is met by an open mouth, petrified eyes and, unfailingly, utter silence, it is his f*cking birthday.

There'll be stumblings, strops and serious errors in judgement. It's going to be great. I only wish that this little chap was still with us. Imagine the stories he could tell us about Sandhurst (he kept it quiet, but apparently he was once offered a scholarship there?)...