A Love Letter

Dear Sir / Madam,

I have never written one of these letters before, but I must tell you how I feel. I can't get you out of my mind!

We met in Whittard of Chelsea in Durham. You were standing behind the counter. I think that you worked there (I hope so otherwise you should not have been behind the counter! I hope you are not the sort of person who sneaks round the till to steal money / snoop for secret recipes / peek at 'Staff Only' notices etc.)

(Having said that, if you did find a recipe, I should be very interested in knowing how Whittard of Chelsea blends its tea and coffee. But not its hot chocolate as I think I know already (chocolate and hot water!))

You were behind the counter (let's say working) (for now) and I was admiring the grand selection of teas, coffees, mugs, teapots, tableware, caddies and little trays you can put tea bags on if you've made it in a mug but don't want to have to walk all the way back to the bin.

We spoke.

I said: "Do you sell those little trays you can put tea bags on if you've made it in a mug but don't want to have to walk all the way back to the bin?"

You said: "Do you mean a saucer?"

I said: "Well not a saucer like from a cup and saucer, it's like a specially designed saucer that's just for putting your tea bag on if you don't want to walk..."

And you said: "Yeah, a saucer. They're there."

You pointed to a shelf of products in front of me. I was thrilled to discover that you were right (so typical of you!!!).

I had a look, but didn't actually buy one in the end as they cost over three pounds Sterling (in fact nearly three and a half pounds Sterling) (£3.49) and frankly I thought that that was too much for a saucer that cannot even be used with a cup. You do know you can just walk to the bin?

(Maybe you should pass this feedback on to your superiors - although in my eyes, it is not as if anyone is superior to you!!! Except perhaps Walter Whittard, the merchant who founded Whittard of Chelsea in 1886. You can hardly say that he was not onto a good thing when he saw it (the thing)!)

Anyway, I knew right there and then that you were the girl for me. I said to Nick, my friend who had come with me (but melted into the scenery when I clapped my lugs on you!) (Are lugs eyes? I think so), I said: "Nick, that girl is the girl for me!"

A few of the other customers turned around but I didn't care. We were in love and I didn't give a fig who knew it! I said it again, louder this time, but I don't think you heard because you were talking to a customer who was asking about the Chip and PIN system of payment for credit or debit cards (do you remember when that was still new? I just take it for granted now!) and whether he could use it to pay for Dreamtime Instant Tea and 125g Chocolate Coated Coffee Beans (which are far nicer than I expected - it must be the way Whittard of Chelsea blend them! Maybe we could talk about it on holiday together)

He could, as his card had been activated.

Anyway, I didn't buy anything in the end (due to Whittard of Chelsea's unrealistic pricing policy - see above). I left the shop and we have not spoken since. But I was wondering if you would like to contact me so that we can continue our conversation (and maybe think about marrying just moving in together?)

You are the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I thing about before I go to sleep. I will love you until the end of time. Only it was a few years ago - and you were quite old even then - so I hope you are not dead.

Either way, I should appreciate a reply so that we can start our new life together as quickly as possible (time is probably quite short for you!!!)

If this letter has fallen into the wrong hands (spies from Taylors of Harrogate or other of our enemies!), please direct it to the person who was working when I came in (picture attached).

Yours forever,

Mr. Christopher
Your future husband (to be!)