Mr Christopher's Log II

Star Date 2009-05-18 1300: Greetings earthlings! Have got quite used to living my life like someone in Star Trek. Don't really miss normal life at all now! Spent Sunday putting together a cupboard from Ikea, which was hard to do in a particularly Star Trek way, but I managed by shouting "STARRR TRRREK!" at the top of my voice every few minutes, and then "CUPBOARD!" when that got boring.

Star Date 2009-05-18 1310: Other Star Trek-related changes I have made lately:

• am only feeding my cat, Keith, 'Space Food', which is just normal Whiskas with rocks (meteors) and worms (aliens) in


• have written 'Star Trek' down the side of my car. Only I wasn't concentrating and spelt it 'Star Treck', which is a shame


• have thrown all my pens away at work and refuse to conduct business using anything but the LCARS computer system and a Universal Translator.

It's all going really well! Except for the work one, as it turns out that LCARS thing and the translator haven't been invented yet, so I can't do any work. (Captain Boss not too happy. )

Star Date 2009-05-18 1600: Had to answer to office manager for throwing away my pens (destruction of company property). She asked me to write her a letter of apology. "With what?" I cried, "a Tricorder?!" Thought this was quite funny, but unfortunately she knew quite a lot about Star Trek and apparently the Tricorder would not be an appropriate tool. I suggested a 'Space Pen', but she just told me to go back to my office. Must brush up on Star Trek words.

Star Date 2009-05-18 2130: Going to bed. Bit sad as I haven't seen Keith all day. Think he doesn't like Space Food. All I'd say to that is: what do you expect if you live with someone in Star Trek? He just ought to be grateful that he's the first cat in space.

Star Date 2009-05-18 2140: Looked it up online: first cat in space was actually 1963. That explains Keith's mood. Also remembered that he's not actually in space - probably makes him even more angry. Poor Keith.

Star Date 2009-05-19 0800: Found Keith – under my space bed all along! Left the house in a great mood, only to find someone has changed the 'T' into a 'W' on my car, so it now says 'Star Wreck'. Bit mean. Tried underlining 'Wreck' and sticking on glitter to make it look deliberate but to be honest it looks totally weird.

Star Date 2009-05-19 0915: Alas! More bad luck! Bumped into senior manager as I got to my desk. She gave me this smirky smile and asked whether I used my Tricoder to get into work. I panicked for a bit because I forgot to look up any space terms last night, but then had a brainwave and told her no - I prefer to 'Warp Drive' my car thanks very much! That shut her up! On with the day!