Mr. Christopher's Log

Star Date 2009-05-14 0945: Saw the new Star Trek film and have decided to live my life through a Captain's Log! Hopefully I too will start to resemble a simple-looking Brad Pitt. Quite proud of my Star Date system (normal Earth date and time, just in a funny format!). Am trying to buy a little badge to pin to my suit.

Star Date 2009-05-14 1030: Have abandoned the search for a badge as they cost ten Star Pounds online. Have made one myself out of a milk bottle top. Looks quite good!

Star Date 2009-05-14 1035: Strange smell lingering around my Star Desk.

Star Date 2009-05-14 1040: Realised I didn't clean milk top properly. Stale milk all over suit. Steven said it looks like a pigeon's crapped on me. I sniffed that it would have to be a SPACE pigeon but I don't think he heard. Tried to wipe it off but the smell still remains – or rather, it is still Klinging On!

Star Date 2009-05-14 1045: Trying to get Steven to comment on the smell again so I can make my 'Klinging On' joke. Harder than I thought. Think I'm just drawing atention to the smell.

Star Date 2009-05-14 1050: Steven held his nose and called me Captain James T. Turd. Everyone laughed - but then I remarked that he shouldn't 'Kling On' to toilet humour. Everyone silent at first (probably trying to get it) but then laughed too! 60% sure that it was with me rather than at me. Never can tell.

Star Date 2009-05-14 1130: Decided I don't want to be the Captain, as I want to be able to say "I don't have the power Captain!" to somebody else. Have designated my boss as Captain. Complimented him on his new business plan during a meeting – said it was most Enterprise-ing! I nearly fell off my chair laughing but nobody else seemed to get it.

Star Date 2009-05-14 1100: Steven brought round his friend Timothy to laugh at me. I was ignoring them quite well until Steven said "It's life Tim, but not as we know it" and, well, you can't help but laugh can you! Unfortunately I was eating a biscuit at the time and sprayed it across my computer. I shrieked "MY COMMAND DECK!" without thinking and everyone laughed again. Beginning to wish that Steven would just boldly go where he has never been before (i.e. away from me)! Ha ha

To be continued...